I'll run him over with my karma. -VM

Will you ever learn? /

7.18.2007

The first time she tried riding that medusa-victimized horse, she was young, naive and easy-to-please. With her hair up in pigtails and her trusty Disney Princesses backpack, she persuaded her Mom to buy her a ticket.

The line was long 'cause a lot of people thought that the ride would be fun. Who wouldn't? It was the first thing she liked to try when she got there.

There were moments when she got impatient and thought of leaving the line for another ride. But when she saw the ones who get to ride those stupid immovable horses, her determination increases. There's just something that makes her wait a little longer. Something that makes her not leave despite the long queue ahead of her.

Finally, she was in front. She handed her ticket to the snooty-looking lady and mounted a horse. When she heard the machine and the cheesy music starting, her heart raced. Adrenaline was rushing all throughout her body. They were finally moving!

For a while, she was dazzled by the light bulbs, the mirrors, and the view of her surroundings fading into a blur. She was enjoying herself.

But after a while, she became restless. Her head was spinning from all the ascending and descending of the horse. The view was not fun to look at anymore. It was just the same thing. Over and over again.

That girl, she's turning sixteen tomorrow. Her hair's different now; she likes things that are way different that what she did when she was naive and innocent. She's jaded. But she still has this unexplainable desire to ride the carousel, whenever she sees one. Even if she knows that it will be just the same as she rode it the first time.

Everything about that ride is plastic. The horses look plastic. They feel plastic. Even the smiles that those snooty-looking personnel give you are plastic. None of it's real. It's a fake ride. You get tricked into buying a ticket, eceived by all the trappings and intricate designs. It's not a 'what you see is what you get' ride like the roller-coaster.

Carousels are fun for a few minutes. But when you realize that you're just going in circles, you get tired of everything.

But there are special cases when you don't regret any minute of it.

TAGLISH VERSION: Para kang carousel, masaya sa umpisa kaya lang kapag na-realize mong paikot-ikot ka lang, nakakasawa na. :)

Labels: Fiction, Heartaches

Now you understand what it's like to dive.
Take it back, taken back, she forgets you.
Now she pleads: "Forgive me again, it's the last time I will..."
8:30:00 PM

Flings. /

5.08.2007

Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone.
--The Notebook

Flings. They make you fleetingly happy. They make you forget about the real world and all your problems, even for just a a small amount of time.

It's an understanding. Tayo na ngayon, pero kapag tapos na 'tong araw/buwan na 'to, di na tayo.

That's it. No catch. No strings attached.

The number one rule is: Never fall in love. Never ask for more than what he lays out in front of you. Ask questions, but if he doesn't want to answer, let it be.

Never expect the happy ending you dreamed about when you were the sweet, naive, little girl. Don't expect the moonlight walks on the beach, the sweetest kisses on the cheek, the hand holding, the works.

Don't expect that you rank high in his priority list. You will ALWAYS be second-best to somebody.

Never expect too much.

So what else COULD you do?

You ENJOY.

You enjoy what he gives you. You enjoy the laughter. The conversations [if there is one.]. That warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you see him again. The heaven you experience 'cause he seem to care. The kisses. The hot and intense make-out sessions. The feeling of contentment right after that. The feeling that finally everything is right in the world.

Even if that feeling lasts only for a second.

Yes, I know the rules. The do's and dont's. But there are some things that still are hard to figure out.

What if you realize that you want more than this summer love? What should you do?

You do what I can't do.

You run.

Fling n. 1. a short period of unrestrained pursuit of one's wishes or desires.

Labels: Heartaches

Now you understand what it's like to dive.
Take it back, taken back, she forgets you.
Now she pleads: "Forgive me again, it's the last time I will..."
3:39:00 PM

Destiny. /

5.03.2007

Kismet.

Hmm. Diba kanta yun ng Silent Sanc? Shaare.

Walalang. Hindi ko alam kung ano ibig sabihin nito.

May hope pa ba or hanggang dun lang talaga.

You can't imagine the joy that flowed through my veins nung nag-text sa akin si Xaii para sabihin yun.

Tapos ng joy naasar ako.

Torture ba 'to?

Kala ko time na para mag move-on

HAHAHA.

How very wrong I was.

:|

Labels: Frustrations, Heartaches

Now you understand what it's like to dive.
Take it back, taken back, she forgets you.
Now she pleads: "Forgive me again, it's the last time I will..."
6:15:00 PM

Homewrecker. /

4.28.2007

You're married. You're married, and you said things to me.

Yes, I said things to you.

Normally, I would like the things you said to me. Normally I would even think the bulletin board thing was funny.

What bulletin board thing?

But you're married. Which makes none of this normal. It makes me a homewrecker. And I hate that I'm a home wrecker.

I'm not going to pressure you, take all the time you need. But just so you have all the information, my home was wrecked long before you came into the picture. And I am just now done trying to rebuild it.

Done?

I'm done. Whatever you decide, I'm ending it with Addison. Today.

You have said this before.

I know, but this time I mean it. And I'm going to come clean, just as soon as I see her.

I wish everyone could be Derek 3.0. Hmm.

Parati nalang ganito yung nangyayari. HAHAHA. Di ko alam kung karma ba 'to. Bat ako kakarmahin? Wala naman akong ginawa.

I've been good.
REALLY!

Well. People should know that if I had it my way, I wish that no one would get hurt. 'Cause getting hurt hurts. :| HUH. It also kills a few brain cells. :|

I never wanted this to happen. I was contented with the looking but not touching thing.

Pero syempre, I'm not a hypocrite. I'll take what I can have.

Kahit friendship lang no. :|

'Cause I'm tired of thinking. Of what will happen. Of what might happen. What I should do. Should I let go? BLAHH.

And OA ko naman. Well, that's me. Drama Queen. :| HMPF.

Dahil dito nakikinig ako sa Backstreet Boys. *Sigh*

Sa Grey's Anatomy yun quote. Episode 3.2 Nakakagulat yung appearance ni Mark! :| Parang, keep the towel on! =)) :| :))

Labels: Addictions, Heartaches

Now you understand what it's like to dive.
Take it back, taken back, she forgets you.
Now she pleads: "Forgive me again, it's the last time I will..."
2:05:00 PM

Delikado. /

9.03.2006

Isang araw, nadapa ako. Tinulak ako ng kaklase ko na akala ko'y kaibigan ko. Nagkasugat pa. Pumunta akong clinic, wala naman tumulong. Lecheng nurse na yan, binigyan ako ng Paracetamol.

Pagdating ko sa bahay, walang nakapansin na may sugat ako. Inutusan parin ako. Ginawa ko naman. Nang matapos ang lahat, pumunta na lang ako sa kwarto ko. Pinilit kong hindi umiyak sa sobrang hapdi. Hindi ko alam kung gusto kong mapansin nila. Siguro dahil kailangan ko sila para mahilom ang sugat ko.

Kinabukasan, kinausap mo ako. Nagulat nga ako, kasi akala ko sasabihin mo na huwag magalit sa nanulak sakin. Pero hindi. Sabi mo, mali talaga yung ginawa niya, at dapat, magpagaling na lang ako.

Niyaya mo ako maglaro. Hindi ko nga alam yung pangalan ng laro natin eh. Hindi din ako magaling doon. Noong una, sinabi ko sa sarili ko, na dapat, hindi muna ako maglalaro kasi kakagaling palang ng sugat ko.

Pero dahil masaya naman ako sa laro natin, sumali parin ako. May mga pagkakataon na may talo, tapos sabi natin wag na lang taoy maglaro ng ganun kasi delikado. Pero pagkatapos ng ilang araw, naglaro ulit tayo. Masaya ulit. Weee.

Napansin ng iba, palagi na lang tayo naglalaro. Nanukso sila, sabi nila hindi na raw tayo nakikipaglaro sa iba. Kinabahan tayo kase akala natin magagalit sila. Yun pala, hindi.

Pero sabi ng isa ko pang kaibigan, na ayaw niya na parati akong nakikipaglaro sayo, ayaw niya kasi yung tipo ng laro natin, delikado raw talaga. Sabi niya, mag-ingat daw ako.

Isang araw, sinabi mo sa akin, lilipat ka ng ng paaralan. Pupunta ka kung saan ka talaga mas masaya.

Nalungkot ako. Ngunit sabi ko sa sarili ko, mas maigi na ng ganito, baka kasi pareho pa tayong masugatan habang naglalaro. Tama ang sinabi ng iba. Delikado talaga.

Sana, kapag nagkita uli tayo, maaalala mo ako. Yung kalaro mo dati. :)

---

Salamat. Isang matinong post. Salamat kay Paulolinelog at Allelilog sa mga pagpapatawa. Go, go, go, SUPER B! =))

---

THANKYOUS: Jochie, Jigs, utakGAGO, and Ruthing.

Labels: Heartaches, Yoo-Eych

Now you understand what it's like to dive.
Take it back, taken back, she forgets you.
Now she pleads: "Forgive me again, it's the last time I will..."
3:57:00 PM

Panaginip. /

8.24.2006

3rd year na kame. Magkakaklase kameng apat. Itago na lang natin sila sa pangalan na Bestfriend, Mambobola at Pumuporma.

Kailangan naming pumila. Magkatabi na sana kami ni Bestfriend, ng biglang um-entra tong Mambobola na 'to tas sabe nia: "Bestfriend, alis ka dyan, tabi kame." Syempre no choice eh di umalis siya.

So sa harap si Bestfriend, tapos si Mambobola, tapos ako, tapos sa likod ko si Pumuporma.

Eh biglang hindi kami nagkatabi pala ni Mambobola. Si Pumuporma lang.

Eh di ansama ng tingin sakin ng dalawa. Tapos ako parang: "Bakit ba?"

Tapos biglang hinawakan ni Pumuporma yung kamay ko. Nakita ni Mambobola sa nayamot siya tas tinulak niya si Bestfriend tas sabi niya: "Bestfriend kasi eh!" Tapos nakita din ni Bestfriend. Tapos nang-irap.

So hindi na ako pinapansin ng dalawang loka. Tapos kinalabit ko si Bestfriend tapos sabi ko: "Labyu." Tas sinabi din kya sakin: "Labyu." Tapos---

Reginne, gising na.

Takte. Panaginip lang pala. Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ako o mayayamot dahil sa panaginip ko.

Ano ba ang ibig sabihin ng panaginip? Yun ba yung mangyayari? Yung hindi mangyayari? Ang gusto mong mangyari pero ayaw mo lang i-admit? Nakalilito. Anu ba to.

---

TENKYUS: Jigs, Neil, Vinkz, Xai and Joy

Labels: Heartaches

Now you understand what it's like to dive.
Take it back, taken back, she forgets you.
Now she pleads: "Forgive me again, it's the last time I will..."
8:24:00 PM

My condolences. /

8.15.2006

On the first week of August, her Dad was sent to the hospital.

Is that right? I'm not sure. I'm so bad with dates.

The next day, she went to school and taught us about Ecological Succesion just like any other day. We asked how she was at the end of the period and she told us that her dad has cancer.

We wanted to ask further what kind of cancer. But we didn't to intrude.

Our class isn't her advisory class, so we didn't really get updates of how she was doing. Our friends tells us, that sometimes, she wasn't in school early in the morning.

Fasy forward to this week. We were told that her father has already passed away last Friday.

Her advisory class, really planned on what to do. They bought flowers, and talked to bus drivers who could take them to the wake, which is today. We also wanted to go but we were already too many. A lot teachers also went with them.

We never really thought that this would happen. You see, when she was present, she taught us like nothing happened. If I was in her shoes I wouldn't be in the mood to teach.

I suddenly imagined if it was my father who died. Suddenly, I became too sentimental, so I stopped thinking.

I send my condolences to my Biology teacher, Ms. Espana. I know you're Dad's with God right now. :)

---

I'm sorry for typos and wrong grammar. I'm hurrying to finish this post. Will correct it later if I have time. :)

Labels: Heartaches

Now you understand what it's like to dive.
Take it back, taken back, she forgets you.
Now she pleads: "Forgive me again, it's the last time I will..."
6:47:00 PM

senti moment. /

7.01.2006

mga salita mo'y nakakalason
iyong mga salita'y dali-daling binitiwan
kung kaya kong maibalik ang kahapon
aking nais sabihin ay wag rin akong iwan.

MGA EPAL LIST:

mga taong sobra kung humingi ng pangako. pero mismong sila nde marunong tumupad. kn-keep naman ung mga promises na hiningi nila pero mismong sila ung nde marunong! :|

wrong timing. ang epal nun no? ung tipong, andameng pwede mangyare, pero nde pwede, kase wrong timing. tapos, kapag dumating na ung panahon na pwede na, biglang *BOOM* may unexpected na mangyayare. tas ang ending, nde na talaga pwede.

sarili ko. may feeling ba kayo dati na isa kayong malaking EPAL? ako naramdaman ko na un, feeling ko, ang epal ko. na tipong pati ung mga ibang tao nahihirapan na at naaasar sa kaepalan ko.

mga taong nde nagpapaalam. wala man lang goodbye. feeling ko kase, iniwan ko. cold. alone. hmpf.

yellow car. or ung meaning ng yellow car. alam nio ba un? eto, k-wento ko sa inyo.

nung grade six ako, kn-wento sakin ng kaibigan ko ang alamat ng yellow car. sinasabi rito na tuwing nakakakita ka ng yellow car, iniisip ka ng crush mo.

ona, ona, ang babaw ko. alam ko naman na nde totoo. pero last year talaga todo kame kung magbilang ng yellow car. :) pero ngayon, feel ko, mn-mock ako ng mundo. [yehes, naman] super andameng yellow car sa daan! [katabi kase ng classroom namen flyover.] feeling ko, sinasabi ng mundo: weh, nde porket may yellow car iniisip ka ng crush mo! ok ok. labo. basta.

reginne, matulog ka na nga.

sabi mo'y ako'y mangako
na ako'y maghihintay at di lalayo
ngunit tingnan mo na ngayon at nagkaganito
ikaw ay nakalimot at tuluyang lumayo.

Labels: Angst, Heartaches

Now you understand what it's like to dive.
Take it back, taken back, she forgets you.
Now she pleads: "Forgive me again, it's the last time I will..."
6:43:00 PM

DEAL OR NO DEAL? /

6.12.2006

official first day na namen bukas. dk audits daw sabe ni xai. ambilis. :)) har. ppunta si te fatima. yes, moral suffort. =)) ok. un. ginagawa namen ni xai ung project eleven har. un comment kayo sa kadramahan ko. :|

--*

umasa. kahit hindi natin namamalayan, halos araw-araw ginagawa natin yan.

kapag gising natin sa umaga, umaasa tayo na maganda ung araw natin. kapag nakita natin ung mga kapalpakan ng gobyerno, umaasa tayo na sana umunlad ang pilipinas. sa eskwela naman, umaasa tayo para sa mataas na grado. either way, umaasa parin tayo.

ngayon, an tanong: ~~KAPAMILYA, DEAL OR NO DEAL?~~ masama bang umasa? hindi ko alam. kaya ko nga tinatanong eh. minsan kase, masaya ung feeling na meron kang inaabangan na magandang mangyayare. pero minsan, masakit umasa, lalo na kapag alam mong baka imposible ang inaasam mo.

sabi ng iba, mas maganda na wag na lang umaasa. as in never. kasi daw, baka masaktan ka lang in the end. sabi naman ng iba, walang masama kung umasa ka, kase, libre naman.

ako, nde ko alam. ako ung tipong nde mapigilan na umasa. ayaw ko ung malungkot. nde ako komedyante sa barkada. ako ung comforter. parang kumot. pagdating sa mga kaibigan ko, ayaw kong nakikita silang malungkot. tanungen nio pa sila, ako ung parating nagtatanong ng: ok ka lang? sure ka? nde nga? mahirap maging ganun kase dapat palagi kang mukhang masaya. kase kapag nakasimangot karin, eh di dehins mo sila maco-comfort. ang lagi kong sinasabi as advice ok lang yan. kaya minsan, yun na din ang mantra ko. i take take my own advice.

kelan ba masamang umasa? kapag imposible na? ganun ba yun? diba ang whole point ng pag-aasa eh ganun nga? ewan ko. bata pa siguro ako para intindihin ng maigi.

masama nga bang umasa? :|

--*

Labels: Heartaches, Thoughts

Now you understand what it's like to dive.
Take it back, taken back, she forgets you.
Now she pleads: "Forgive me again, it's the last time I will..."
2:38:00 PM

PUTEK. /

4.04.2006

shet. bwiset argh. wtf! aaaaaaaaahhhhhh! una masaya ako. kase dhel dun. tas biglang ganun? waaah. gette kase eh dameng alam. =)) may gud news na dnala balewala dn dahel sa bad news. :| amp. haha. basta. nubaian. ewan ko. totoo kea? puta. argh. basta. nako.

EDIT: putek. soree kung malabo. :)) haha. basta okay na ko ngayon. medyo na-shock lan ako. haha. anubaian. basta.

dapat tatawagan ko sina naida and liveby kaya lan nanonood sila ng mulan so ang ingay sa salas. haha. *sharing*

so ano ng gagawin ko? bahala na lan. un naman parati sagot ko eh. basta. bahala na lan talaga. basta, ~~andito lan ako.~~ eto poem dati sa blogdrive. ;)

parang cooler na di na nagagamit dahil me fridge na at freezer
parang electric fan sa stock room na naimbak na dahil merong aircon
parang lapis at papel na napaltan na ng blog sa kompyuter
parang sipit na tsinelas na naitsapwera dahil sa bagong havaiannas
parang piniritong daing na di na napapansin dahil sa fried chicken
parang tubig sa tabi ng softdrinks, kape sa tabi ng tsokolate

di mo na napapansin kase may mas higit na nakakaakit sa paningin

pero pag wala nang tsokolate at softdrinks sa tabi
at pag ubos na ang fried chicken, sana mapansin
pag ang aircon ay tinopak at ang ref niyo'y nabatak
muli mo sanang hanapin at muli mong gamitin

pag iniwan ka niya
pag wala nang pag-asa
pag di mo na kaya
sana maalalang
ako'y nandito pa... ='(

*kuha sa http://sentiko.blogspot.com*

ok, change topic. nakita ko ung commercial chever sa cinema one, ung ang buhay natin ay parang sine. wala lan. naaliw lan talaga ako. haha. :))

Labels: Heartaches

Now you understand what it's like to dive.
Take it back, taken back, she forgets you.
Now she pleads: "Forgive me again, it's the last time I will..."
1:53:00 PM

waha. feeling inspired. /

4.03.2006

okeii. naisip ko to habang nasa kotse nung trip. kase super dame kong nakitang yellow cars. tas may dumaan na bus. nakalagay JAM. tas ung number, 713. tawa nga ako ng tawa. kase dba, 7 na nga, tas 13 pa. un nga ung nakalagay sa reco nametag ko eh. haha. baket? kase 7 plus 1 plus 3. ELEVEN. =)) haha. *sharing*. haha. tas ung jam walalan. sa songfest. [ok, what's da connect?] =)) haha. tas un ginawa ko to. barubal nga eh. haha. basta. bagay din to kay naida kase katabi sya ng bintana nung 4th quarter. ok, *sharing*. =))

"yellow car"

nakadungaw sa bintana
habang ang guro'y nagsasalita
nawawala sa isipan
leksyon na dapat matutunan

sinabi dati "hindi ako naniniwala,
kathang-isip lang yan," sabay napatawa
ngunit bakit ngayo'y nasa durungawan
at mga mata'y nasa daan?

mga dumadaa'y hindi gustong kulay
kaya't unti-unting nalulumbay
bakita kaya walang dumadaan
wala ba ako sa kanyang isipan?

pula, asul, puti at berde
lamang ang nasa kalye
naiinis na at nayayamot
kaya ang paghahanap ay nilagay muna sa limot

"bilis! ayan na!"
sabi ng katabi
lingon kaagad sa bintana
at napangiti na sa sarili

hay, salamat naman
at aking nang namataan
tanging tanong na lang sa isipan
bakit bigla niya akong natandaan?

sore kung nde nio ma-gets kung ano ibig sabihin nito. haha. mga nakakaalam lang ng alamat ng yellow car makaka-relate. =))

Labels: Heartaches

Now you understand what it's like to dive.
Take it back, taken back, she forgets you.
Now she pleads: "Forgive me again, it's the last time I will..."
8:49:00 AM